hiney...

"hiney" prounounced hee-nay, NOT hi-nee :)
means "behold" in hebrew.

there is a song going through my head a lot lately that i learned from a jewish singing group called d'veykus. they have a number of incredible albums out with lyrics that touch the soul. one of them is translated into this:

behold the days shall come, that i will send a famine in the land.
not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water,
but of hearing the words of the Lord.

today was a challenging day at work. the news was playing reports of a shooting at a school in minnesota. the life of terry shaivo is still in the hands of the government. a co-worker became so overwhelmed with life that she left work, at her wits end, just moments after our shift started. she has probably lost her job. i work with very fragile and severely disabled adults, but even they seemed to be especially disturbed today. there were "behaviours", illnesses, and accidents galore (all while we were short-staffed due to the breakdown of our friend).

i could go on and on with a list of all the troubles around me... but that would be fruitless. what i am learning to do is to keep my eyes on the Lord. earlier this morning, i thought i was having a bad day because i found out that financial aid will not cover $3,000 of my schooling expenses. i know that i will not qualify for a loan, and no-one in my immediate family can help me out there... but, God was quick to show me that there is no room for complaining in my life! He has blessed me so abundantly!

my family may not be full of the richest or most financially sound people in the world, but i have an amazing emotional support network. i may not be able to save the life of terry shaivo, but i can pray for her and her loved ones, and trust that there is a merciful and loving God who wants us all to remember that real and abundant life begins after this one ends. i could be angry at the young man who shot and killed so many just a state away from here, but instead i am moved to compassion for all youth that are struggling without the type of family and love that i know.

it is my blessed privelege and responsibility to maintain a positive attitude, pray, walk in confidence, and act with as much conviction and strength as possible. becoming overwhelmed, depressed, or letting anger control my thoughts and actions would help no-one. in fact, i believe it would make problems much, much worse. i am not silly enough to believe that i am super-woman, with emotions of steel, and energy that just won't quit (in fact, i am known for being exactly the opposite)... but i am already seeing the evidence of the grace and provision that is available to me when i drop to my knees, throw my hands in the air, and trust in the saving and sustaining power of Jesus.

all in all, my day at work turned out to be rather peaceful. my thoughts were scattered and my body is sore, but 2 people managed to care for 13 needy individuals and laugh while they were at it. i learned a lot about cooperation, pacing myself, and the presence of God in stressful times. and now? i'm going to sleep! :) g'night...

carrie

long time no see...

well, hello again!

life has been so full, that i haven't taken the time to blog. of course, i kick myself for this, because when life is full, that's when the most interesting and blog-worthy things are happening! i can't possibly fill you in on everything now...

here's a quick thought: i caught a commercial at work the other day that really got to me. it was an advertisement for a snack bar, trying to convince people that they should fight the temptation to eat a full meal by eating their product instead. ugh! it is terribly sad to me that so many people today are being sold "healthy" foods that have absolutely nothing to do with a natural, whole food diet. a person's body will be much happier sustaining on simple meals than on quick, overly processed, sugar loaded, cereal bars. sigh...

let's see... the year that i have spent in north dakota has been full of blessings. i have met many wonderful people, overcome struggles of my faith, learned to find contentment in uncomfortable situations, and more. but i have been consistently looking forward to the day when i could finally leave, and i believe that day has come! on may 23rd, i will be starting massage school in arizona. i have many family and friends in the area, and i plan on beginning the process of doula certification as well.

rather than head straight to tempe (arizona), i will take a train to seattle and visit with some old friends. at this point, the plan is to catch a ride from washington to oregon and visit with friends there as well. and, get this! a dear friend of mine just called from hawaii, and she was worried because she has a truck in oregon and didn't know what to do with it. when i mentioned that i may be passing through there, she asked if i would be interested in picking it up for her. would i ever?! i was just praying that God would provide a way for me to have transportation in arizona. He works in amazing ways...

i have been spending a lot of time lately thinking about the history of Christianity. through my surfing on the internet, i met a young man attending a greek orthodox seminary, and our conversations really provoked me to look deeper into the foundation of my faith. it has been very challenging and very rewarding. there are still many questions left unanswered, but i am excited at the prospect of the Christian journey i am on. there are so many amazing Truths to be discovered!

another challenge in my life has been time management. there are so many passions and interests that i have! spending time with individuals who have disabilities; reaching out to lonely and struggling youth; helping burdened families; making and enjoying art of many forms (music and more); learning about various denominations and religions, languages, and cultures in order to connect with diverse groups of people and individuals; studying apologetics in order to be better grounded and a stronger witness of my faith; supporting women in pregnancy and labor; staying in touch with all of the people i have met through my years of travel; befriending and ministering to people who have had negative spiritual experiences; learning to be a better steward of my body and the earth we have to live on -- the list goes on and on. i haven't yet discovered how to use my time most wisely, with the most profit to others, myself, and to the highgest glory of God.

the greatest lesson that i have been learning lately is not to trust in others or myself for all the strength and answers that i feel i need. God is my strength! He holds all the answers! my biggest job is to trust Him, lean on Him, seek Him, love Him, be faithful to Him... through poor choices, i have often made this a difficult path, but the more i get a hold of these things, the more peace i have (in good times and bad).

well, i will leave it at this for now. maybe i can get myself back on here more often. this blog does, after all, help me with a few of those interests that i listed above (at the very least, the keeping in touch with loved ones part).

g'night! shalom! kali nichta! buenas noches! guten tagen?

carrie