This is my attempt at organizing many of the things in life I find fascinating - the good, the bad, and the ugly - in a way people can navigate as they choose.
********************
Juxtaposition:
I veer from far left to far right and am often content living in the gray areas of life. ;)
I love both classical music and rap, rock and the blues, folk and techno, oldies and country, pop and hymns - just about everything except gospel. The one thing I look for, across all genres, is a inspiring message. I don't have time for anything that will not guide me towards love and making a positive difference.
I thrive off being active & interacting with people, but also crave stillness & solitude.
I believe in voluntary simplicity and the do-it-yourself mentality, but love my cell phone and laptop.
I don't like to buy anything new unless I know that it was produced in an ethical and sustainable manner, but I am still a consumer by nature - thrift stores here I come! Barter and trade anyone?
I do my best to eat whatever is set before me, though I don't buy meat unless it is organic and free range. I am generally soft-spoken, but (as you can see) am quit opinionated and fight for what I believe in.
I form opinions and stand by them, but must remain teachable. There is an equilibrium to be had between humility and the confidence necessary to discern between healthy and dangerous. We can seek righteousness without being self-righteous.
I'm often incredibly shy, but don't be surprised if one day you see me dancing and singing loudly. It happens.
I like to have a drink or two, but gave up the trouble-causing party life years ago.
I am devoutly Christian, though I have a lot of questions & doubts. I don't fit well into any specific denomination.
I am openly bisexual, but spiritually uncertain what to make of this. Currently, I am content with the freedoms being single & celibate allow. Maybe someday I will connect with someone in such a way that our commitment to a lifetime partnership together would be more positive and powerful than than the strengths either of us have as individuals.
I've been nomadic most of my life, but deeply appreciate the benefits of setting down roots & stable community as well.
Life, for me, has been intense. I am diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, an Eating Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, which have landed me in the hospital more than once. The OCPD has been known to show itself in unwanted, obsessives irrational thoughts/fears & either compulsive organizing or mess-making.
Living with these issues for many years started to take a great toll on my body, and in 2012 I developed pretty severe Irritable Bowel Syndrome, unexplained pain in all of my joints, exercised induced asthma, & a host of other issues that meant I was unable to work any longer. I had lost many jobs in the past due to depression, but this was different. I felt simultaneously guilty for being so sick, and unsure that I was sick enough to really deserve help. Doctors, counselors, friends, & family all encouraged me to apply for disability and, surprisingly, my application was accepted immediately.
Between prayer, spiritual healing, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, psych meds, and care for my physical ailments, I have spent the last number of years focused mostly on healing. My greatest earthly goal is to become healthy enough to get off disability and start working a postpartum doula.
My greatest ambition though, whatever else happens, is to live a life of faith, service, compassion, devotion, and humility. I thank God for His grace, hope, mercy, & miracles or it would never happen.
I try to balance brutal honesty with gentle compassion (towards myself & others), acknowledging my weaknesses but also taking great joy in the strengths I've been given.
********************
I've been meaning to find a way to share my unique life story, so I think I'll make an attempt at starting that here: Herstory. If you don't have the time or desire to look through the long version, I've shortened it to this:
I traveled the U.S. for years. At times I was a modern missionary, getting food from dumpsters and sharing it with the poor. At times I was subject to Christian fundamentalism (extreme rules, with extreme consequences). At times I rebelled from God, turning to angry activism and lazy drugs. At times I tried to settle down, but never quite made it (until now). I've lived among gangsta's, street punks, tree huggin' hippies, the goth crowd, ravers, white trash, Mennonites, suburbanites, the wealthy... in a strange way, at one point or another i have been all of these and more. Now I'm seeking greater harmony. Active faith that works through love more than fear.
No comments:
Post a Comment