bimbo?! (a long post)

one of my closest friends used to call me "baby bim", "bim", or "b" when she really wanted to get my goat (where did a phrase like, "get my goat" come from anyway?)...

she was poking fun at my tendency to be forgetful and slip in the area of common sense at times. after a few short months of this teasing, i was near tears every time i heard the words. when my dear friend, who i will affectionately refer to as monkey :), realized the depth of my frustration, she swore to never use those nick-names again.

the problem wasn't so much that i didn't want to be made fun of. we make light of each other's nuances to this day (right, monkey?). unfortunately, i was really threatened with the idea that she might be right in this case...

i never really thought that i was dumb or incapable - but if not, then why did (do) i constantly make little mistakes and feel that i am unable to keep up with others? i LOVE to learn. i study, and study, and study. i'm interested in SO many issues. i follow religion, politics, art, home-making, gardening, science, politics, history, and much more. i find that i can thoroughly enjoy intellectual conversations, books, and movies. it seems to take me an incredible amount of time to digest any given topic though, and once i finally have it down... i promptly forget everything i just learned. my memory may be jogged if someone were to offer cues or reiterate the information to me, but i would be hard pressed to recall it on my own.

i had a conversation with my dad about this sensitive issue, and thankfully he helped me to understand my uniqueness. for a long time, i wasn't close to my dad, but we have come to know eachother quite well over the last year. he has seen both my strengths and weaknesses and he explained my learning capabilities like this:

i am so eager to learn and understand, that i will not settle for a simple explanation. when presented with a fact, i must dissect the information and ask as many questions as i can until i grasp the concept in its entirety. i become so excited about my new-found knowledge, that i am motivated to move on to the next subject and learn as much as i can from it as well. over a period of time, i have soaked in so much information that i can no longer remember what it was i found at the beginning of the journey. this would never stop me though - i simply jump into another area of interest and keep going.

my dad believes that many "great minds" operate this way. i certainly wouldn't call myself a genious, and neither would anyone else i know :), but i do appreciate his view. he says that it is impossible to remember everything there is to know. but if you can understand it at one point in time, and know how to find that information again if ever you need it, then you have accomplished a great task.

this never-ending focus on the great things of life means i sometimes overlook the littlest things (like where i set my keys or the fact that i have to be somewhere in 5 minutes), but i manage to get by, and i'm working on the little things every day. unfortunately, the homework assignment due last week still isn't done - there's just too many wonderful things to learn from it!!

as far as monkey goes, she can call me "bim". i'm confident that i'll continue to make my little mistakes (like remembering to bring the food on our picnic, while leaving the silverware at home), but if she ever needs someone to explain the history of christianity for her, i have access to that info! besides, there's an exception to this rule. i seem to be able to retain a great amount of info as long as i use it frequently. daily. if i'm focusing on many things in life, i may forget some of the small details, but my memory is quickly refreshed!

well, i'm off to discover the source of the phrase "get my goat"... good night!! :)

dreams...

last night i had a couple of clear and vivid dreams. i can't seem to gleam any instruction from them, but they are sticking with me. have you ever woke up and felt that the dreams you just had are the theme for your day? that's how i feel. these dreams are really nagging at me , yet when i examine them, they seem SO unimportant... i don't want to go into all the details, but here's a bit about 'em:

1) ron howard and some of his famous look-alikes come to the Developmental Center, where i work, to talk. they're on stage, but everyone in the audience looks like they'd only be happy if there was a hip-hop, gangsta' rap show in front of them (one pant leg rolled up, tattooed, sideways baseball cap, bling-bling, you name it). i don't get to see the show cuz i've got tons of paper-work to do. i work too late and almost miss sending ron howard off. i have to stay and get all the cleaning done, but my boss isn't pleased when she sees how long it will take.

2) "Will and Grace" come to my house to visit. while there, they realize that they won't have enough time to get back to the studio for the next filming, so they ask if they can film in my families house, using us as actors. i'm nervous, but as the camera starts rolling, i find myself having fun. just as i'm really getting into it, "Will" finds out they're going to use the studio after all and won't be needing us. i'm completely let down and go to my room to sulk. "Will" comes to comfort me and we become good friends.

see what i mean? strange, strange, strange. both focus on t.v. characters, and i don't even OWN a television - i don't like most programming. :)

my online profiles

you can view my profiles at the following sites. you'll need a (free) account with either one if you want access to the site:

http://www.care2.com/ - (under the name "kargelc") a site for various environmental, social, and animal causes.

http://www.true.com/ - (under the name "niytzcha") an online dating site. kinda funny since i'm not into dating - see the previous blog post for more info on that. i thought it was worth it. :)

UPDATED on 3/21/05 :
i no longer have a profile at true.com or any other "dating" site. i did enjoy trying to answer all the questions in the profiles. i learned a lot about myself and i met a few interesting people (who, like me, are not interested in dating). but i had to deal with too much carnality. i was contacted by men who did not understand my desire to avoid flirting. and, though i didn't want to, i began to see that i was trying in my own efforts to search for and find a good match for myself. signing up is not an experience i regret, but niether is it something i want to be a part of anymore.

welcome here!

for those who are a not quite computer literate, "blog" is a shortened form of "web log". i just learned this myself the other day. i had another website going, but it's not longer accessible, so i started this one as an attempt to share more w/friends & family across the country.

motivation has not been my strength lately. i'm still working on a paper today that was due in school last thursday. i had an incredible & edifying time at Bethel Free Lutheran Church this morning though, so the day has been more than full!

when i first started attending this church, i didn't think i'd last very long. i was turned off by the traditional form (get dressed up, memorize a creed and certain patterned songs, stand up, sit down, etcetera). but every time this preacher speaks - wow! i've really felt a strong leading to continue with this fellowship. i really appreciate some of the friendships i've made so far and i think God has plans to bless my time here even more in the future.

just for kicks recently, i filled out a couple of online profiles. using these forms was a fun and educational way to explore the views i hold of myself, the world, and others. :) for one of them i was supposed to come up with clear ideas on what i'd look for in a spouse and what i could have to offer that person. it was a challenge! i don't think i'll get a lot of responses from interested people. my statements mostly showed that i don't care for dating and flirting. :) that's ok by me - i'm trusting God to guide my life (not a web-site).

welp, i suppose that should be it for now! i've gotta keep working on my paper. it's back to studying the devastating consequences of US foreign policy for me.

laila tov!