one of my closest friends used to call me "baby bim", "bim", or "b" when she really wanted to get my goat (where did a phrase like, "get my goat" come from anyway?)...
she was poking fun at my tendency to be forgetful and slip in the area of common sense at times. after a few short months of this teasing, i was near tears every time i heard the words. when my dear friend, who i will affectionately refer to as monkey :), realized the depth of my frustration, she swore to never use those nick-names again.
the problem wasn't so much that i didn't want to be made fun of. we make light of each other's nuances to this day (right, monkey?). unfortunately, i was really threatened with the idea that she might be right in this case...
i never really thought that i was dumb or incapable - but if not, then why did (do) i constantly make little mistakes and feel that i am unable to keep up with others? i LOVE to learn. i study, and study, and study. i'm interested in SO many issues. i follow religion, politics, art, home-making, gardening, science, politics, history, and much more. i find that i can thoroughly enjoy intellectual conversations, books, and movies. it seems to take me an incredible amount of time to digest any given topic though, and once i finally have it down... i promptly forget everything i just learned. my memory may be jogged if someone were to offer cues or reiterate the information to me, but i would be hard pressed to recall it on my own.
i had a conversation with my dad about this sensitive issue, and thankfully he helped me to understand my uniqueness. for a long time, i wasn't close to my dad, but we have come to know eachother quite well over the last year. he has seen both my strengths and weaknesses and he explained my learning capabilities like this:
i am so eager to learn and understand, that i will not settle for a simple explanation. when presented with a fact, i must dissect the information and ask as many questions as i can until i grasp the concept in its entirety. i become so excited about my new-found knowledge, that i am motivated to move on to the next subject and learn as much as i can from it as well. over a period of time, i have soaked in so much information that i can no longer remember what it was i found at the beginning of the journey. this would never stop me though - i simply jump into another area of interest and keep going.
my dad believes that many "great minds" operate this way. i certainly wouldn't call myself a genious, and neither would anyone else i know :), but i do appreciate his view. he says that it is impossible to remember everything there is to know. but if you can understand it at one point in time, and know how to find that information again if ever you need it, then you have accomplished a great task.
this never-ending focus on the great things of life means i sometimes overlook the littlest things (like where i set my keys or the fact that i have to be somewhere in 5 minutes), but i manage to get by, and i'm working on the little things every day. unfortunately, the homework assignment due last week still isn't done - there's just too many wonderful things to learn from it!!
as far as monkey goes, she can call me "bim". i'm confident that i'll continue to make my little mistakes (like remembering to bring the food on our picnic, while leaving the silverware at home), but if she ever needs someone to explain the history of christianity for her, i have access to that info! besides, there's an exception to this rule. i seem to be able to retain a great amount of info as long as i use it frequently. daily. if i'm focusing on many things in life, i may forget some of the small details, but my memory is quickly refreshed!
well, i'm off to discover the source of the phrase "get my goat"... good night!! :)
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