I made it to a doctor's appointment today to get my psych prescriptions refilled, then picked up a referral to a urologist (in case I find a way to stay in Puerto Rico).
For now, I continue to look for either (A) a place near my doctor's offices in San Juan to sleep, while getting back on my feet, so I can volunteer more, or (B) a residential treatment center in the United States to live in while trying to cope with the overwhelming sense that I am a burden and harm to the world because I can't seem to discern, love, follow, and share God's Voice.
Last night was my last night in Miramar.
I will couch hop until Thursday, when I attempt to finalize paperwork for the used car I bought recently. By this weekend (depending on what happens between now and then), I will either be living in a new location on the island, trying to sell my car so I can leave the island, or simply leaving my car here while I return the mainland.
I am making the effort to praise God, despite feeling that my fears and failures are squeezing the life out of me. I am letting doubt, anxiety, confusion, and hopelessness know their presence is acknowledged, but unwelcome. I continue to hope for the miracle of grace, wisdom, strength, peace, and mercy in my life - despite feeling unworthy and incapable of fully embracing these gifts from God (the way I need and want to). I refuse to be like Job's wife - cursing God because of hardship. I believe God is good, whether or not I am.
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