belief

anyone who knows me understands that spirituality is a big part of my life. at least, i desire it to be a big part of my life. over the years i have faced a lot of confusion and fear because of my experiences with many churches and people that have different beliefs and ideals. at times, this has become so overwhelming that it seemed easier not to care. i wanted to give up and just "live life" rather than sort through the unending questions in my head. trying to figure out what i believe (what "Truth" is) has been so daunting, that i had to "let go and let God". just live and trust that He would guide me if I sought Him in my daily activities.

over the last year, i've been going to a lutheran church in tempe and really enjoying the people i've met. they are a very supportive, encouraging, and fun group of people. i've never felt that i fit in doctrinally though. i am not lutheran. a couple times, i tried to look for other churches, but it wasn't easy since i don't know exactly what i DO believe.

recently, some of my daily activities and regular life circumstances have brought up key questions regarding my faith and beliefs. i don't think i've handled all the challenges perfectly, but i have felt God pushing me and helping me to stand up and face the issues. i'm nervous, confused, and a bit scared, but i trust God. there are many forms of spiritual practice in the world - lots of them within the Christian community itself. some life choices cause a very real separation between people who don't agree with eachother. i don't look forward to taking a stand on certian beliefs, but i can't run from my fears and confusion any more either.

God help me! i'm so thankful that i can have peace in the midst of this, knowing that He hears my prayers and is ever present to guide me.

"losing my religion" - REM

Life is bigger It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough

I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up

Consider this, consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much

I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
That was just a dream