there is so much going on right now. i'm preparing for finals, moving out of my house, and making plans for the rest of my life. at the very least, i need to take the first post-school steps. my dream right now is to work with the Invisible Children program. i am so inspired by the movement and the people behind it. as lauren hill once said, "you inspire me, to be the higher me." i draw close to God and see opportunity to fulfill the vision He has given me - to work with children (and adults) who suffer from injury, disability, disease; to work with women in pregnancy and labor; to travel to 3rd world countries and serve the poor; to use my organizational and networking skills with others who have a similar vision; to love, serve, and live for my God!!
here's where i am struggling. to paraphrase a dear friend, "Each of you, my friends, knows a slightly different Carrie. It is a terrible trap in which I am caught, that your knowing me would define me." i have been told *1* "how is it that you are always smiling?!" and *2* "you need to smile more." within the space of an hour. some people know me as an outgoing, bouncy, uncontained, and passionate person. others see someone who takes the back seat and watches what happens around them, filling in the gaps where action is necessary and not being made.
when i am driven, i often find an unending source of confidence and boldness within. this is the smiling and zany Carrie that many know. being around others who have this same energy is motivating and refreshing. it helps to fuel my zeal all the more. yet, there are times when i am around people that i perceive to have more energy and passion than myself, that i find myself appreciative, humbled, and withdrawn. i believe that at Invisible Children, they need and desire to work with people who are the former. unfortunately, while working with people from the I.C. office for the Global Night Commute, i tended to be the latter.
until recently, i have been content to seek God for greater confidence and emotional security at His pace. i thank Him that my passion for this opportunity is pushing me to jump right out of my comfort zone --- this whole matter is really quite silly. why be so concerned about how others perceive me? i know who i am before God. there are many in my life who appreciate me in all my silliness. it would be wonderful to impress others and fit in everywhere i'd like, but i must rest in the thought that, as i seek God, i am where i should be. no need to be insecure about insecurities. :)
if i can best serve Him at invisible children, then i am sure God will provide a way. otherwise, the world is full of a vast array of opportunities. in my selfishness i cry "please, God..." and then, "Thy will be done."
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at school later that same night, i asked a teacher for advice on how to do a resume that would excite and catch the attention of the people in the san diego office. his answer was simple and obvious - there is nothing he could say to guide me. the best way to sell myself is to be myself. let the rest fall into place.
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