wasn't it just yesterday that i said i would try to shorten my blog entries? i guess some things deserve more than a quick glance. a very dear friend of mine has been fighting death for quite some time. many have believed that she would make it, and some still do. miracles can happen, but just hours ago she seemed all too close to moving on from this life.
this has caused me to reflect deeply on my relationship with her, God, and life in general. you see, i made HUGE mistakes in my life a few years back. these mistakes cost me the friendship of many people, including her. i have since turned, repented, and sought God to restore and heal my life, but i never took the time to rebuild this particular friendship. i am sure she has forgiven me, but we never had the chance to reunite. it is not something i can pity myself for. i know that i was focusing on important things over the past few years. by God's mercy i grew spirtitually, but i was not able to (and never will be able to) restore my life completely. i will forever live with certain consequences.
so, what can i do? pray that my friend knows how much i love her. pray that, if possible, i can visit her as soon as school gets out. and recognize that today and every day we all have choices. any of us could face death at any moment. i cannot take life and opportunity for granted. i must love freely and completely. i must make the most of every moment, choice, action, and relationship before me.
there are moments in life when we seem to find clarity and a sense of enlightenment. there have been times when i wished these moments would last forever, but i don't think that is their purpose. it makes more sense that we arrive at certain heights of understanding purely to get us through the depths and difficulties of life. rather than take these revelations for granted, we are allowed to return to the routine of daily life, distracted from our emotional experience and the knowledge gained. i don't like the idea of forgetting, but it provides many opportunities to seek God anew in time of need. it is an incredible reminder of our human frailty.
in tears, hope, sorrow, and joy,
carrie
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