northern lights!

amazing things have been happening lately!

most recently, i saw the northern lights for the first time in my life! it is almost impossible to describe their brilliance. i stood with my jaw dropped open and tears in my eyes, unable to speak, for quite a while. colors and shadows and sparkles danced in radiant patterns across the sky! some were in streaks, others moved up and down like a wave of twirling ribbons, shooting stars broke through the middle of the rhythm... people do drugs to see these types of things. i know. i tried once and it turned out to be THE WORST night of my entire 28 years of life. that was 10 years ago, and i have learned since that the most amazing experiences happen from real and sober life!

days before i saw the beauty of the northern lights, i was able to catch up on my school-work and have been getting A's in it all! yeah! i think i may get a good grade in this class after all. :)

a couple of weeks ago, i attended a conference through my church that took my spiritual experience to a new level. for two days, we focused on the Bible and how to translate meaningful passages into real life situations. by the end of our time together, i felt a confidence, joy, peace, and zeal that i hadn't felt in a long time. i was even brave enough to offer to sing a meaningful song in front of the entire group that tied into our lesson. when i was finished, people applauded my effort and asked if i would sing the song again at the next church service. after i shared the song at church, a member approached me to ask if i would record the song for him to take home with him, and a number of people complimented my singing! after i listened to the recording, i was surprised at how calm and in-tune i sounded. the word many used to describe the presentation was "pure".

this is incredible to me because i have struggled with stage-fright for as long as i can remember. there are times when i am alone that i am able to find my creative strength and produce incredible works of art (in song, in prose, in crafts, or otherwise), but usually i am held back by fear of failure and unacceptance. i praise God that He has helped me to remember that my focus should be on Him, on love, and should spring from the depths of my heart - not from a focus on myself and an attempt to perfectly please others. when i am controled by fear, even hours of practice can not help my efforts to turn out well. i shake and tremble and make mistakes in every attempt. but even amateur and imperfect works can be beautiful when presented with passion! and now that i have rediscovered my zeal and found more of an ability to control it, i find myself growing in my ability and talent - praise God!! :)

the conference allowed me to relax in my quest to build my relationship with God and with my dad. i understand so much more about the need to respect, trust, and look to both in different ways. i want to spend a lot more time appreciating Jesus and learning from Him - just as i do the 'papa' that i have here on earth while i am alive. :)