will and grace!

i'm having trouble sleeping lately, but it's been a blessing cuz i've been inspired to pray. before this i wasn't making time for prayer and was really frustrated because i know it's important to me. well, anyway, this lack of sleep has been an answer to that problem. i've been praying more and i don't feel exhausted because of it- i have enough energy to get through the day!

and guess what... it's 1:15 in the morning and i just realized what the 'will and grace' dream was about! picture this: here i am lying in bed, silently praying (i never pray out loud - partially because i lack confidence) and i feel inspired to use my voice. i hesitate because i don't like listening to my own prayer, but then i decide to repeat what i had just been saying to myself. "God, please grant me your will and grace." my eyes shot open! i sat up in bed! i knew this must be connected to the dream, but i didn't know how yet.

so i thanked God, then asked Him to show me. immediately, i remembered a passage that i read in "the heavenly man". brother yun (who wrote the book) said that he learned to be willing to do great things for the Name of God, AND to be willing to be a 'nobody' for God. he explained that the most important part is to love God and others unconditionally, not worrying about how or when, how much others noticed, or how big a part he played in changing things for the better. reading this is part of what inspired me to want to view life the same way (without fear or selfish expectations).

wow! in the 'will and grace' dream (which i had long before i read the book), i was told that i would get to be in their tv show. what a great thing! i'd be doing something big and people would notice! it would be challening and fun! when the plans changed, i pouted. how come i did't get the chance to exercise my acting skills and get 15 minutes of fame?! but then... will came to talk to me, i was comforted, and i realized i was happy to have the wonderful opportunity of just sharing friendship with him.

this is really encouraging to me. now i feel even more prepared to walk forward in life, trusting that i will find God's "will and grace", joy, strength, and peace no matter where i am or what i end up doing. no matter how difficult or mundane it is, i can enjoy life. (oh Lord help me, that doesn't sound easy!)

:)